MONDAY NIGHT BINGO

Not every night needs to be a grand slam table-dancing debauched shagathon in the Big Apple y’know – some venues even offer events served with, Christ, coffee. But before you fear you’re entering Early Bird special territory and will have your chin in your soup come seven, don’t worry. First of all, the Bowery Poetry Club is so much more than riddle and rhyme, drawing in a cool crowd of performers and artistes to hang out in its nooks and crannies and take in the stage action from comedy to burlesque.

On Monday nights, the floor is compered by drag queen Linda Simpson and comedian Murray Hill who promise to put some bang back into bingo and blow the cobwebs off Granny’s stamping pen. Get your straight line, corners and postage stamps (yes, it’s a term) in a row and you could be walking away a winner.

Apart from the wisecracking hosts, rewards include everything from the farcical (fart machines and other miscellanea) to the covetable – theatre tickets, a cash jackpot and even VHS skin flicks. So if you feel like the night’s not complete without at least a little show of flesh, work extra hard for that star prize.