GETTING AROUND LONDON

It’s slow and expensive, hot in summer, and the seat heaters will fry your behind in winter. But the network is vast and makes sense if you’re going further more than two or three stops (less than that, walk, take a cab, or get on a bus).

If you plan on spending more than a day in the city, then it’s well worth your while to invest in a blue Oyster Card – those things you’ve seen locals waving around which seem to magically open bus doors and tube gates. Get one at the ticket window and load it with credit up using cash or a credit card and benefit from fare discounts.

Black cabs are always the safest taxi option – yellow light on means they’re free, middle finger out the window means they’re not. Yes, our cabbies may have attitude but they also have The Knowledge – a mysterious study program which takes years, and means they basically know the A-Z (more on that later) inside out.

Cabs can be hard to find, especially late at night. If you find that you’re stuck, text ‘HOME’ to 60835, and someone will send you the phone numbers of both a taxi company and two licensed minicab companies so you can get home safe and sound (yes, they automatically figure out where you are).

If you fancy booking ahead with a reputable cab company try Addison Lee and their fleet of swish Mercedes etc, who’ll tell you the fare before you get going and arrive at your doorstep within 15 minutes. Never take unauthorised minicabs from touts outside clubs and bars – the horror stories alone make it just not worth it.

Prices are determined before you ride so you’ll never be in for strange roundabout routes and nasty meter surprises.